Wow, here’s a post I didn’t think I’d ever actually write! It almost doesn’t feel real. Seriously, I think I’m having an out of body experience. Who is this brave woman who decided to finally write this?!

Yes, I’m going with brave. I’ve been so afraid of this for so long, and today I’m still afraid, but I’m choosing to move forward anyway.

I’m tired of being hidden away. It’s like having a gorgeous painting and then covering it up with a bucket of white paint and walking away. That is NOT how this piece of art was intended to be seen and admired! I did a little coming out video about this concept of art and coming out over on Instagram, so head over there after you’re done reading this post and watch it on my IGTV. @instabydannika.

And to be clear, my fear is not out of a place of shame, but a fear of the reactions of people that I know and love. I’ve heard what some of them have to say about those that come out of the closet. 

Yes, this is a coming out post. I don’t have any experience in this, so I guess we’ll just jump right in! 

I am a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. 

Now here’s where it may get confusing for a lot of you, and that’s ok. I’ll do my best to explain, and I’m open to respectful questions. 

I consider myself both Bisexual and Pansexual.

I know that there’s debate about these terms, especially because many have interpreted Bisexual to mean being attracted to only cis men and cis women. However, there have been other definitions, including one that I really like: being attracted to people of my gender and people who are not my gender. It takes away the binary issues. This is where Pansexual came into the picture. People wanted to make it more clear that they didn’t mean only cis men and cis women, so they added in Pan, which means “all.” So basically, I love ALL people, no matter how they identify. And yes, I am attracted to them. So it’s easiest to say I’m Queer, if you’re wanting to use one word. As one of my favorite shows, Schitt’s Creek, puts it, I’m “into the wine, not the label.”

Let’s get a few of the questions out of the way now, shall we? 

Why are you coming out now?

I’m tired of not being able to be myself. I’m tired of hiding away. I’m tired of hearing people talk about me and my community with negativity and hatred, and they don’t even realize they’re saying it about me. Maybe they’d think twice if they did know. I want to be able to participate in the conversations and calls for change for my community as a PART of my community. 

Why do we need to know about your sex life?

Yeah, this is actually NOT about my sex life. I mean, when you tell me about your new boyfriend or heterosexual crush I don’t immediately assume you’re telling me about your sex life. This is beyond sex. This is part of who I am. Anyone who tries to categorize attraction and love and companionship as purely sexual has some issues. Once Queer people are ACTUALLY treated as 100% normal and equal in our society, coming out won’t be a big deal. But because we AREN’T treated equally and we ARE still treated as abnormal in many ways, we have to be brave and take a stand and tell people when we are different from them, even though they assume it means we’re just talking about sex (we’re not). 

Aren’t you married?

Yes, and very happily so! I’ve gotten a lot of questions from the few people who I’ve come out to before along these lines so I’ll try to address what I can. No, there was no affair. No, Josh and I aren’t getting divorced. Yes, we are very happy to remain monogamous and have no desire to add anyone else to this relationship or make it open. Yes, Josh has known about this for a LONG time, and yes, he’s totally fine with it. MORE than fine, actually. He loves me and he loves this about me. He’s the one who encouraged me to finally come out! We are happily married and plan to stay that way forever, with just the two of us. And we have a lot of fun talking about our mutual interests in celebrity crushes and such! 

Didn’t you used to work for a church? Isn’t this a sin?

Yes, I worked for a church, and NO this isn’t a sin. I’m not going to delve into that in this post, but there are plenty of resources out there for you if you want to learn! The church I worked for was not affirming, and it was one of the many reasons I left.

I can’t go into every detail of all of this in one post. I really just wanted to be able to take today, the last day of Pride Month, to finally come out to you and let you see my true self. I don’t have a whole lot to say right now, and I know this post feels a little weird because it’s really just this one statement, but… that’s kind of the point! This really doesn’t change much… I’ve always been this way! You just didn’t know about it before. I’m the same person, with the same interests and quirks and flaws and loves and awesome sense of humor (I can say that in a blog post because there’s no one here to argue with me while I write it haha). 

I am me. 

I am 30 years old. 

I am married to Josh, who rocks. 

I have two adorable cats. 

I love to write and read and dance and paint. 

I’m obsessed with Harry Potter. 

I am Queer. 

And I am Proud.