Why New Year’s resolutions make you tired, and what to do about it.

*This blog post includes affiliate links that give me a small kickback when you use them to purchase. You are under no obligation to use them, and these items are not necessary for a successful new year! 🙂

Let’s address the obvious thing first: why am I writing a blog post about New Year’s resolutions at the END of January? Well, for starters, I initially tried to make this a YouTube video right at the start of the year, but the darn thing just would not upload! But also… I sort of find January exhausting. So once that video didn’t work out, I gave myself a break. So why do so many of us find January so tiring?

Part of it is that it’s winter, and this is a time to slow down. Nature shows us very clearly that winter is the time of hibernation. We are meant to be inside, cozy, and resting. But I think another reason so many of us feel tired and a bit overwhelmed by the start of a new year is all of the pressure! We hear things like, “new year, new you!” We see resolutions about finally losing the weight, changing careers, buying the house, toning up, new morning routines, new bedtime routines, new work routines, new workout routines, new planners that will definitely get used this time, new house work schedules, new dating goals, and on and on and on.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having goals. Goals are a great way to take dreams from the headspace into reality. But have you noticed how many of those resolutions seem more like ways to hate on yourself, or try to change yourself drastically? Not all of them! But so many of the ones I see are actually quite… negative.

What if your goals were more about achieving an element of who you already are, instead of being all about “fixing” yourself?

It is absolutely ok to want to improve your life! But that still needs to come from a place of gratitude for where you are now. Is your job making you absolutely miserable? Been there! But instead of thinking, “wow, I just need to get out of this damn job as fast as I can,” what if you viewed it as, “I am worth so much more than this, and I am grateful that I recognize that. I’m going to find something that works even better for my life, that will allow for me to recognize my worth even more!” That’s a vastly different attitude, and honestly, will probably come with a better outcome. Try going into a job interview feeling like you’re worth it, and see if it doesn’t help you crush that interview.

The key, really, is to recognize who you already are, and center your goals around finding ways to remember who you are even more. Let that shape your next year. Not only will this align more with your self, but will also set you up for more success.

For example, many people set resolutions to start waking up earlier to exercise before getting to the rest of their day. Do you know how many years I had that goal? And how many years that absolutely shriveled within weeks, if not days? I am not a morning person! At all. Now, I’ve been able to become slightly more of a morning person, over time, with intentionality. But I did that by recognizing that I’m someone who values a slow, peaceful start to a day. I don’t want to jump out of bed and get straight into exercise. It makes me miserable. I found that waking up early was far more enjoyable when I was doing it to sit in bed for a while, snuggling my cats, reading for a bit, then making breakfast and coffee and getting myself ready for the day before work. Days that I don’t do that, and I sleep in a bit, I find myself stressed because I’m rushing to get ready! So knowing who I am, and what I value, I became a morning person a BIT more, in order to have peace. And I moved exercise to a different time, where I knew I was more likely to consistently stick with it because it didn’t require getting out of my warm blankets on a cold winter morning!

I used my knowledge of who I really am to set myself up for success, instead of following some trend or standard of goals that didn’t align with me and centered on changing myself in a way that wasn’t authentic.

Please hear me when I say this: who you are matters, and is already enough. Who you already are, right now, with no changes, matters, and you are already enough.

If there are things you want to improve on, that is totally fine. But that is because you want to become even more who you truly are deep inside, not because there is something wrong with who you are now.

I can already hear the rebuttal. “But Dannika, I have this HORRIBLE habit! I’m a binge drinker! Or I eat more ice cream in one week than a person should eat in their lifetime! Or I procrastinate constantly!” Ok. Do you think that makes you unworthy? Do you think that defines who you are? Do you think that means you need to change your whole self?

Or maybe, MAYBE, could it possibly mean you’re human and have something to work on? Could it be that you drink because of something hurting inside? And perhaps you are WORTHY of healing that? Same with the binge eating, honestly. Do you, perhaps, procrastinate because of anxiety or depression, or a fear of failure? And because who you are is actually an intelligent and creative person, you know that something else is there, and in order to become more yourself you should examine that and have grace in your approach to how you make that change?

See, I’m not saying don’t change anything, or don’t make improvements. I’m not saying don’t have any goals. These are important experiences in getting to the life you really want to live. What I’m saying is, stop letting the world influence you into thinking you need to change so many things about yourself because you’re broken as you are.

If there is a change you want to make, just run it through the filter of, “is this getting me closer to who I know I am, deep down?” If not, maybe you need a different goal.

Ok, so you have goals that align with who you are. Now what?

Many people are stressed by these new year’s goals because they feel that they always fail. We’ve addressed one aspect of that: sometimes they aren’t the right goals for you. But what about when they ARE the right goals? How do you ensure success?

Here a few tips that have helped me:

1. I don’t just write a list of goals. What I do is write out a goal, then underneath I get super specific! What do I mean by this goal? What does it look like? And HOW do I plan to achieve it? I write out several steps and actions that I plan to take that will actually help me achieve this goal. Now, I have a roadmap to follow. I don’t need to arbitrarily work on “finishing my book.” I need to write for at least two hours at least twice a week, and at least ten minutes every day. I need to take copious notes on my other projects so that I feel prepared to set them aside and focus on one or two at a time, instead of being distracted. I need to set deadlines and lay out the schedule of how to meet each deadline. These are attainable mini goals, that get me to my ultimate goal. I highly recommend writing this out in a journal that you can continue to look back through and read over, to remember where you’re going! A journal like these ones gives you plenty of space to write your goals, and also anything else you want to write out and remember! Plus, it’s fun to look back on previous years and see how it went.
2. I utilize a vision board. I know this sounds so cliche, but it actually works so incredibly well! Our brains tend to respond to visuals very well, and in a different way than it responds to lists on paper. Seeing images that align with our goals helps them feel more real, and also gives us an image to try to reach. If you are saving for a vacation, have pictures of that vacation spot to look at and motivate you when you’re wanting to spend that money on something else. If you’re trying for a baby, have photos of pregnant bellies and positive pregnancy tests, or a parent holding their child. These are the moments you’re working toward, so have a visual to see as you work!

Ok, that’s enough on the how-to-accomplish-things part. Because I think the hustle right now is ridiculous. You can start looking at these goals, but remember, winter is for REST. It is for slowing down. You can plan, you can begin to lay the groundwork, but you do not need to be at your most productive right at this very moment.

Do you realize that part of becoming more of who you truly are might mean sitting by the fire and doing a puzzle? If you’re someone who values the cozy, calm, analog life and you love puzzles, simply doing that is becoming more of yourself. It’s achieving a goal. See, it doesn’t need to be big. You don’t need to have grand plans. You can achieve more of yourself by paying attention to the simple things.

One of my favorite poets is Mary Oliver. She has a poem that has become quite famous (rightfully so) and yet wildly misunderstood. It’s called “The Summer Day.” Often, the part that gets quoted the most is this bit:

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?”

I’ve seen people use this as a way to inspire themselves and others to get off their couches and do something MORE with their lives. I’ve used it the same way! I even used this quote at a women’s event once, where I was speaking, to motivate these women to see their lives as wild and get moving! I won’t say there’s necessarily anything wrong with that, per se, but… it’s missing the mark. You see, we’ve fallen into the age-old trap of taking something out of context.

Here’s how the entirety of the poem reads:

“Who made the world?

Who made the swan, and the black bear?

Who made the grasshopper?

This grasshopper, I mean—

the one who has flung herself out of the grass,

the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,

who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—

who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.

Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.

Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.

I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.

I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down

into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,

how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do

with your one wild and precious life?”

-Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

She speaks of the simple things. The existing. Just… existing. Noticing a grasshopper and the way it ate sugar from her hand. The feel of grass. She wandered through fields, observing and experiencing life, with no productivity in mind. She likens this existing to prayer. She talks of being idle AND blessed. And then she asks simply, basically, why not? What should I have been doing instead?

You see, Mary Oliver expresses here so clearly the thing that many want to understand, but have a hard time grasping and articulating: our lives are wild because they are unpredictable, and we exist. It has nothing to do with productivity or adrenaline, necessarily. Just you, being here, is wild. And that makes it precious. Do you know how unlikely it is that you would exist? Take it from someone 13 years and counting into trying to have a family: your existence is so wildly unlikely and amazing. You, made of bits of stardust and humanity, made it here. That is precious. Absolutely precious. So please… breathe easy. All you need to do, is exist. Take in the simple things.

Now, Mary Oliver didn’t just lie around and watch creatures. She is a well-known poet who has worked hard on her craft! If you’d like to read more of her work, I love this book that compiles many of her more popular poems. She isn’t advocating for laziness or refusal to contribute to your life. She is simply saying that maybe there is more to it than your productivity and ambition, and that more is just… being. You don’t have to DO more. Just BE here, and DO what you can.

I know this post was long. And I could have been longer, trust me! But I sincerely hope it helped you to breathe a little easier. You are enough, and who you already are right now, matters. Your existence is wild and precious. Rest into that, please. And have a wonderful new year!

~Dannika